NFL Bans Phillip Rivers’ Jorts

The NFL announced today that they will no longer allow raging hick and simpleton Philip Rivers to play Quarterback for the San Diego Chargers while wearing his favorite pair of jean shorts.  Rivers has worn the jean short cut-offs since Week 2, after losing his team pants while bullfrog hunting in his hometown of Decatur, Alabama.  Going forward, Rivers will be forced to wear the Chargers’ standard athletic pants.

Rivers said he will “undoobetedly peel this NFL incision cuz [he] wanna play in [his] cutoffs.” Translated:  Rivers will appeal the NFL’s decision.


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